So what are you still doing here?  Go HERE

OK folks…. in a few days this blog will just be thezeninyou.com.  I am in the process of switching to wordpress.org  and am working on getting everything set up. I’m  about 1/3 of the way there.  So if I disappear for awhile, that’s why.  I am pretty sure that you will have to update your subscriptions and blog roll.  But it will be worth it…

I really appreciate you hanging in there with me…hopefully it will be a smooth transition.  Big hugs and high five’s need to go out to Jay at Porsidan who is helping me with this.  He is an angel!

♥ Caroline

Oh does this make me happy!  In fact, I haven’t meet a daisy that doesn’t make me smile.  And smiling is good!

If you have been reading my blog this past week, you know it’s been a tough one…but a really good one.  I feel like I grew so much.  Thankfully, the demons have settled down and are more like annoying dust bunnies now…I just sweep them aside.

So this pretty daisy represents the gaiety of life.  What it all boils down to…happiness,  joy, smiling…and bliss.

Hoping you have a most joyful and happy weekend!

♥ Caroline

"Light Rider"

Whew…what a day!

I want to share my crazy journey with you today, in hopes that you can learn something out of my experience.  I feel like I really tapped into something wonderful…something that was always there, but I forgot about.  My true self.

Anyway, I want to start out by saying…I have demons.  I won’t pretend that I don’t, because that would be lying and this post is about being brutally honest with myself.

Here are a few demons I fought today (in no particular order):

• jealousy
• anger
• resentment
• unhappiness
• disappointment
• self-hatred

So what happened?  How does one go from…let it all go…lalalalala…to, I suck!  LOL.  Honestly, I don’t know. OK, I do know…my ego got the best of me today.

Long story short, an old friend called me up and gushed about her new start up.  It felt like a slap in the face.  Here’s the quick and dirty.  There were 3 of us…best of friends and best of enemies (typical girls).  We grew up together, we loved each other, but we were competitive.  I was considered the goofy driven one.  But I was going to make it “big.”  We compared each other based on our various successes.  Eventually, we went off to collage and lived our lives, we lost touch.  Recently I found out one of “the girls” surpassed $1m in sales in her company.  And the other just launched her new venture.  And me?  Hmmmmm…what about me?

So today was filled with all kinds of emotions and self-doubt was leading the pack. Thankfully, I am reading this great book (the untethered soul) and to my very luck it’s all about being the witness to the voice in your head (or in my case, the ego meltdown).  And that’s what happened to me…

I had a big badass ego meltdown.

The author discusses how we are all somewhat crazy…day in and day out there is a voice in our head filling us with constant self-doubt, fear, jealously, etc.  This voice in our heads never ceases.  It never stops talking.  It kind of like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going and going…  And much of the time we don’t even know that it’s happening to us.  We are used to this voice and we believe in what this voice is telling us.  But the voice is not truth.

The author asks us to stop and listen this voice. Pay attention to it.  Because this voice is not really real. It’s just our brain trying to keep busy.  And this voice in not who we are.  Got that? We are not that voice in our head.  Who we are, is the conscious awareness watching the voice (similar philosophy to what Echkart Tolle describes as our true “beingness”).  So in the midst of this meltdown (essentially that voice in my head telling me that I was an epic failure) I laid down and placed my hands on my heart (while using lots of Reiki energy).  The author asks us to be quiet and be a witness this drama happening in our heads.  Don’t even try to suppress it. Then he says to open our heart to it.  Just settle down, lay your hands on your heart and listen.  Then begin to slowly dissect the voice.  Look for the core of the pain.  Try to find out where it’s coming from.  Then send that voice love.  Understand that this voice is not you!!!!   And you what happened?

I began to feel better.  I began to feel peace.  I felt a deep warmth in my heart.  But more than anything, I felt relief!  Relief in knowing that the voice in my head is not me.  That voice has no power, unless I give it power.  And earlier today it had a lot of power, until I began to become conscious of that voice.  Today was exhausting but deeply gratifying.  I am not the same girl I was 30 years ago.  I am in a really good place and I am happy.  I may not have my own company.  I am not making millions.   That voice in my head wants so badly to compare, compete, and bring me down.  But I won’t let it…because that voice is not me.

Obviously, there is no quick fix on this.  But it’s a huge start for me.  I know why I love photography so much…because when I am out in nature taking pictures, that voice is quiet.  I know why I love running, because that voice is quiet. I know why I love to be in the garden, because that voice is quiet.  Heck, that’s why I love a good movie, book or TV show…because the voice is quiet!

So if you take anything from this today…undersand that you are not that constant dialogue running in your head.  You are not your job. You are not a label given to you by soicety. You are something much bigger and greater.  You are the one that witnesses the voice.

We all have our dreams, right?

We all have our own ways of sending the message out to the universe.  Some pray, some journal, some post in their blogs for the world to read (like me…lol).  We have made our requests.

Now what?

Let it go…do nothing more.  Do not attempt to control the outcome.  No matter how much that voice in your head is screaming to take over. Do not listen to that voice.  Just breath deeply and brush all the thoughts aside (especially the negative thoughts!)

Then…

Release your dream with love.

Be patient.

Let the universe do it’s job.

Continue to be patient…

♥

OK…just a couple of things…

1. Your comments on Sunday’s post were awesome!  I have been mulling over your wise words and am really thankful for all your insights.
2. This post might ramble a bit, so be prepared…it’s going to be a bit of a “brain dump.”

Now that I have managed expectations, let’s begin…ready?

The word “entitlement” came up over and over again.  Entitlement.  I kind of like this word.  But not in a negative way, like: “I am a snooty brat that is entitled to anything and everything.”  I like the word entitlement in a more casual sense, as in:  it’s a belief that one is deserving of some particular reward or benefit. Aha!  I see my word deserving in that definition…very interesting.

So here is what I have been thinking about…

I choose the word deserve to carry me through 2009.  I have a hard time believing that I “deserve.”  I don’t know why I struggle with this so much but I do.  I have many dreams and yet, there is this part of me that says, “you don’t deserve it,” ” you have too much already,” “you’re not good enough.”

Then I thought, you know what…I need a sense of entitlement when it comes to my dreams!  I do deserve my dreams.  I have put my life on hold for too long now.  I am ready to do something for me!  I work so hard to help everyone else.  I give myself away.  Then when it’s time to do something for me, well…I just put those thoughts aside.  And you know what, I am tired of doing that!   I am entitled!  I do deserve!  But, honestly, I feel a bit bratty saying that.

Yes, I am very happy.  My life is good.  But there is something missing.  There is a creative part of myself that wants to break out.  I am ready to take this side of me to the next level.  I don’t know if this makes any sense…but, I want to own my dream.  I want my own “thing.”   My photography means so much to me and I want to share it with the world.  I am filled with such intense joy when I work on my photos…and this means something.  I also believe that it has value.  So, is it so bad to want to create something out of this that brings me some income?  Because I have an issue with this too.  Money.  And believing that my work is worth money.

Which bring me back to: “I don’t deserve to make money from my photography because it really not that good and there are so many other better photographers out there and my stuff is no big deal.  And asking for money is greedy and selfish…and I really don’t deserve it anyway.  So I think I’ll just forget it and not think about it anymore. I am not a business person anyway…blah blah blah”

*F* that!!!

It’s time.  It’s my time to shine.  I deserve my dream and I am entitled to all the benefits.  My work is worthy and good.  My photos capture the intimate beauty of this marvelous universe.  And that joy, serenity and beauty is passed on to all that view these pictures.

So there! (and that’s me sticking my tongue out my ego that says otherwise)

Whew…thanks for listening!

Wait!  It’s Cinco de Mayo!!!  I think we’re entitled to some margaritas…lol!

I usually don’t post twice in one day…but I had quite a big “aha moment” today and I really felt the need to post again…

♥

OK…don’t go running away screaming when I tell you this…I watched the Real Housewives of NYC.   So there I was last night, at 11PM…getting ready for bed.  For some unknown reason, I decided to turn on the TV.  Hubby was away and I just wasn’t tired.  Channel surfing seemed kind of fun, as I rarely watch TV these days.  Then, I stumbled across this show and was hooked until the marathon ended at 2AM!!!  Yes, I stayed up until 2AM watching “The Real Housewives of NYC”…and let me tell you, there is nothing too “real” about them.

Now, if you have never seen this show, it’s basically about these very very rich women going about their lives, buying expensive crap, and feeding the TV drama.  It’s quite addicting to watch actually.  I am not sure why, but it is.  And it got me thinking….

• What magic outlet are they plugged into in the universe!?  Seriously!

Basically, these women snap their fingers and what ever they want is just given to them (now I know being on TV helps accelerate the process).  I just sat in amazement as they asked and received over and over again.  For example, one woman went to pick out her birthday present, a $16,000 (yes, those zeros are correct) birkin bag.  OK.  Another is writing a book… *snap* a writer appears by her side, publisher is chosen, photos taken…and within weeks a book is produced and on the shelf.  It seems so easy for them.  Why is that?

I can’t help but to question the power and intention of dreams.  How are some people able to achieve so much with such little effort?  Why do others, who have the same dream, not given the opportunity?  I know so many good people (myself included) who want to achieve great things.  I am not saying I want to be like these women…but I won’t lie either, I would enjoy access to that “magic outlet in the universe.” So, what am I missing here…how come my plug does not work as well?  My dreams are worthy too!

I want to explore this…but more, I want to understand this. What energy do these people possess that others may not?  From all the books I have read on manifesting and energy, the authors claim it’s as simple as “believing”…but is it really that easy?  Many claim that one does not need to work hard…”just see it in your mind and it shall be true”.  Hmmmmm…  I am positive.  I think good thoughts.  I believe.  I dream BIG.  Yet…many times my dream does not come to me so easy, and sometimes they don’t come at all.

• I can’t be the only one who thinks about this, am I?

Then I picked up a book (the untethered soul) that I bought for $1 yesterday at a rummage sale…I opened it up and began reading about the heart.  The most powerful energy center in the world. And if we just keep our heart open and never close that energy off…then we have access to the universe.  But, if we close our heart (to fear, worry, jealousy, competition, comparison, disappointment, etc.) then we cut off that energy…we block all the goodness, opportunity and love from the universe.  Essentially, our heart is like a light switch.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…

• My ~♥~heart~♥~ is the magical outlet…and I turned it off…HOLY S*@T!

I know this!  I study energy…but I don’t apply it to my life sometimes.  Why? Wow…I really need to sit and explore this for a few days…

Tagged: Dreams, soul ]]> http://thezeninyou.wordpress.com/2009/05/03/soulful-sunday-7/feed/ 13 thezeninyou ss11 http://thezeninyou.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/favorite-foto-friday-15/ http://thezeninyou.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/favorite-foto-friday-15/#comments Fri, 01 May 2009 12:02:09 +0000 thezeninyou http://thezeninyou.wordpress.com/?p=1276 ]]>

I was feeling a bit creative and decided to totally manipulate this photo of bougainvillea I took earlier this week .  I have about 15 different layers of effects on this.  I was trying to create a light, springy, “vintagey” kind of feeling.  I am not sure if I achieved that…but I do like this, I think…lol.

This photo represent boundaries to me…and the ability to go outside of them!  It’s about trying something new and seeing where it takes you.  Mostly, it’s about letting your creative side take the wheel and just going with the flow.   So go out and create!  Break  through boundaries!  Bend the rules.  And most importantly, let your soul guide you!

~♥~ Caroline

Hope to see you here on Soulful Sunday!

Let me begin by saying….ahhhhhhhhh.  Taking the past few days off has been so nice.  I didn’t realize how good it was to “un-plug.”  I was able to catch up with all of you and still get my housework done!  The trolls were being difficult and did not want to move out, or clean up the huge messes they made (but they are gone now and all is well with the world…lol).

My goal was to get out more with my camera.  It’s so peaceful to walk about and photograph the world around me.  I can get lost in my thoughts and the images that surround me.  I am trying to let go of all the “what if’s,” and worries of life…and just focus on the moment.  Get it, “focus” on the moment…sorry bad photo pun!

Anyhoo, in my walk about yesterday, I came across this amazing gathering of poppies. It was glorious!  Big, red and vibrant flowers.  Tall and strong, yet so graceful in the wind. What a sight!  Nature is truly magical when you stop and look around.  As I admired this sight before me, I spotted this enormous black bumble bee…I stood (very still…lol) and watched as it engulfed itself in each of the poppies.  Swimming in nectar.  Knowing exactly what it needed and how to go about getting it done.  It was impressive and inspiring.  Then I thought to myself:

• I want to be like that bee! Engulfing myself in each flower of life.  Swimming in possibility.  Knowing exactly what I need and how to go about getting it done.

So how can I be like that bee?  What is stopping me from getting what I want?  How come it’s so hard to know instinctively what I need!

I can’t easily answer these questions…but I want to think about it.  And I want you to think about it too!

• Are you swimming in possibility and savoring all of life’s nectar?
• Do you follow your instincts and your hearts desire?
• Do you move forward with determination and conviction in your goals?

I know I need to work on all of those questions above.  I am trying to let go more and just enjoy the moments.  But I find that my mind wants to compare and compete with others.  My mind tells me that I am not good enough or special enough.  But I know that’s not true!

So, this little bee in me needs to just do its own thing and see where it leads…and I think I will harness that steadfast determination!

Who’s with me?

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